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The View
Through The Windshield
About Cars ... and Everything Else I See
by Joe Sherlock

Greatest Hits: Geezer Stuff

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Why I Sometimes Feel Ancient: Merriam-Webster has removed the following words from the 2004 edition of their dictionary: record changer, pocket-handkerchief, long play and ten-cent store.

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Intersecting Data Points: In early 2004, we purchased a new washer and dryer. Our faithful, almond-hued, 20-year-old Maytag duo were exhibiting end-stage behavior - operating erratically, leaking, making bearing-noises, etc. A couple of brand-new, sterile-white Maytags have replaced them.

Reflecting upon the Consumer Reports appliance-life charts and the Life Insurance Institute human mortality tables, these may be the last such appliances we ever purchase. Gives one pause.

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I Am Becoming My Grandmother. The Wellington Fund turned 75 years old in July, 2004. Now the nation's oldest and largest balanced mutual fund, it began just before the 1929 stock market crash and the Great Depression that followed. Talk about bad timing!

A young Philadelphia accountant named Walter L. Morgan was its founder and offered a diverse portfolio of common stocks, preferred stocks and high-quality corporate and U.S. government bonds. Despite a rocky (How about 'cliff-like'?) investment climate during the fund's formative years, Morgan's conservatism and balanced approach paid off. Wellington Fund has produced an 8.3-plus percent average annual return since its 1929 inception and has paid an uninterrupted string of 298 quarterly dividends!

Over the past ten years, its overall performance has been just as good as the S&P 500. Yet it is far less risky and does not drop precipitously during stock market contractions.

Wellington isn't very flashy and gets little notice from those investment gurus du jour. But, as I got older, I began to shift some of my investments away from growth mutual funds into Wellington. I have not been disappointed. But I feel like a geezer ... my grandmother owned Wellington Fund shares in the 1950s. That's OK, though - during her 90-year life, she never ran out of money.

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Progress: The 2004 J. C. Penney Christmas Catalog has almost 100 pages of toys, dolls and games. It's amazing how toys have evolved over the years. All of the little girls' kitchens are now made of blow-molded polyethylene instead of lithographed sheet metal. No more sharp edges to cut dad's hands to pieces during assembly.

I remember putting together an avocado-colored metal set for my daughter in the mid-1970s. I had bandages on every finger by Christmas morning. I wonder if any dads ever hit an artery and exsanguinated on Christmas eve?

"Merry Christmas, honey. Daddy's dead!"

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Santa's Recycled Workshop: Last year, I took three of my son's long-discarded metal toys, cleaned them up and presented them to his son for Christmas. Two were trucks - a Tonka pickup and an Ertl dump truck. The other toy was a Hubley diecast airplane - a single-prop, radial-engined model with folding wings. It also has spring-loaded, retractable landing gear and a 12-inch wingspan (when open). Except for one missing sticker, it was in mint condition. These toy planes were originally sold with U.S.A.F. or Navy markings and had blue bodies with silver wings. They were models of World War II fighter planes designed to land on aircraft carriers.

The Hubley folding wing design dates back to 1941; I remember seeing these models for sale in five-and-dime stores when I was a kid. By the time my son was growing up in the early 1970s, 'military' toys were out of favor (except for G.I. Joe), so Hubley changed their planes to nonmilitary models. This one has 'Flying Circus' decals on its bright yellow wings and has a circus-red fuselage and tail. However, if you look underneath those folding wings, you'll find this 'circus' plane's true heritage - there are three aerial bombs molded into the underside of each diecast wing! Perhaps for killing clowns (a good idea, in my opinion).

Hubley toys were made in Lancaster, Pennsylvania by Hubley Manufacturing Company which was founded in 1894. Early Hubley toy production consisted of cast-iron items including various horse-drawn vehicles, guns, household appliances and the like. By the 1920s, cars, trucks and other transportation became their primary focus. In the 1930s, Hubley switched from cast-iron to zinc diecasting. In 1965, the company was purchased by Gabriel Industries.

Along with the offerings from Tonka and Ertl, Hubley toys were always very well-made. That's why these examples are still in such good shape. And maybe because I used to apply a coat of automotive wax to each before I gave them to my son. And re-waxed them before presenting them to my grandson.

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Obituary Overkill: Death Notices have certainly changed during my lifetime. They used to be fairly simple. Death came "suddenly" (code for auto accidents, unexpected heart attacks or suicide) or "after a long illness" (cancer). Family were listed - he/she "is survived by ..." but only immediate family members were named.

Now it's completely different. Survivors not only include blood relatives but also pets. And step-relatives from complicated, multi-divorced, extended families. As well as "special companions." For heterosexuals, such a term designates a common-law spouse or current shack-up. For gay males, it's the surviving partner. I have yet to see a female obituary (gay or straight) with a "special companion" designation. I'm not sure why.

Final illnesses are often noted - cancer, AIDS, ALS, etc. If someone commits suicide; everyone who reads the obit pages knows it. And sometimes, how exactly it was carried out - "self-inflicted gunshot wound" is a common phrase. People who have lived their lives as atheists or agnostics proudly announce it.

Hobbies are frequently enumerated: "He liked classic Camaros, motorcycles, bluegrass music and fixing old appliances." A few years back, one obit trumpeted, "He loved watching TV and hassling his grandchildren."

If you could resurrect the dead from fifty years ago and show them some of today's death notices, they'd probably be mortified. And drop dead. Again.

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Notable Quote is from Martin Short (as Jiminy Glick) on aging: "I have a friend who once saw the Face of God. And he told me that God has a comb-over. But it looks pretty good on Him. Took four million years off His age!"

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