Greatest Hits: Catholic Stuff
(musings on matters of religion, faith and morals)
We Make The Mess; You Clean It Up! The Vatican has called on Catholics everywhere to atone for the sex abuse scandals that have engulfed the Church in recent years by taking part in what may be the largest global prayer initiative ever seen.
Give me a break! Asking me to atone for a bunch of perv priests is even more wrong that those slavery apology demands.
During the time that blacks were being enslaved and oppressed in the United States, all of my ancestors were in County Mayo, Ireland - being systematically oppressed, run off their lands and starved by the English.
During the time that altar boys were being sodomized by creeps, I was busy raising a family and trying to make ends meet.
So, leave me out of it. (posted 1/9/08)
The View From The Throne: Rich countries bent on power and profit have mercilessly "plundered and sacked" Africa and other poor regions and exported to them the "cynicism of a world without God," Pope Benedict has written in his first book. In 'Jesus of Nazareth', the Pope offers a modern application of Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan, who stopped to help a man who had been robbed by thieves when others, including a priest, had not. "The current relevance of the parable is obvious," the Pope writes.
Those "rich countries" would be Westerners, I'd guess, particularly the U.S. Yet, when you think of all the aid given to Africa from private charitable entities (both religious and secular), the Western world stands out in its generosity, particularly the U.S. It is America which takes the parable of the Good Samaritan to heart, asking nothing in return for our contributions to Ethiopia and other African countries which have nothing to offer us in return.
As many others have written, the continuing problems in most African countries are caused by the vast corruption deeply rooted in the region.
"With the likes of Jean-Bedel Bokassa of the Central African Republic, Sani Abacha of Nigeria, Joseph Mobutu of the Congo, Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and a host of other kleptocratic gangsters in power, aid money has simply been stolen. Many African rulers rely on aid to feed their people while they destroy their livelihoods through a neglect of, and even by destroying, infrastructure. ... In badly run developing countries, governments channel aid to small elites. Poor people in villages and shanty towns never see any aid. Infant and child death rates remain high and women still die in unattended childbirth in countries on which aid is focused."
At the recent Southern African Development Community summit, African leaders showed their indifference to the suffering that the citizens of Zimbabwe continue to endure. At the closing news conference, Tanzanian President Jakaya Kikwete announced that he and his fellow heads of state were "in support of the government and people of Zimbabwe." "We got full backing; not even one (SADC leader) criticized our actions," Mugabe boasted after the summit.
Don't get me started on Darfur.
The Pope's problem is perspective. When you live an insular existence and are carried around in a velvet-upholstered gold throne, you don't see things the same as those of us on the ground do. So please, Your Holiness, stop taking potshots at real world Good Samaritans. (posted 4/16/07)
Further Thoughts About The Philly Priest Scandal: There were 169 priests named in the Philadelphia grand jury investigation which I mentioned in my 9/27/05 posting. These were Diocesan priests, priests from religious orders (Jesuits, Franciscans, etc.) were not included. In 1966, the Philadelphia Archdiocese had 1,075 priests; in 2003 - 769.
What percentage of Philadelphia priests were named? The total number of Diocesan priests during the period must include new priests who were added, those who left the ministry and priests who died. I'll take a stab at the number and say that there has been a 100% turnover in clergy during the roughly 40-year period covered. That would mean that there were were perhaps 2,000 individuals who were diocesan priests in Philadelphia at some point during the 1965-2005 period. Those 169 priests represents over 8% of Philadelphia's clergy - a shocking figure. Add in those priests, bishops and cardinals who participated in the cover-up or "looked the other way" and you've got - I dunno - 20%? 25%? Even more shocking.
(Russell Shorto, a contributor to the New York Times Magazine reported that the United States "is the country with by far the largest number of sex-abuse claims made against Catholic priests, but Ireland has that distinction in Europe, and in both countries the number of priests who have committed sexual crimes on minors has been estimated at 4 percent.")
I grew up in Philadelphia and served as an altar boy in two of the almost 300 parishes in the area. I was never harmed by a priest. Nor do I know anyone who was. Nevertheless, the sheer numbers and my guesstimated percentages are frighteningly high and are indicative of a major problem which was not only unaddressed but actively covered up.
If this investigation is indicative of the American Catholic Church as a whole, I would say that that the time is ripe for a schism - a complete break from an old, corrupt Church and a movement to start a Reformed Catholic Church based on true Christian principles. Something not seen since the Reformation. (posted 9/30/05)
The Greatest Evil: A three-year grand jury investigation of the Philadelphia Archdiocese, the longest known inquiry in the national clergy sex abuse crisis, has ended with scathing allegations that cardinals and other churchmen had conspired to protect offenders. Even more disturbing, the jurors found, was the cover-up by the two previous archbishops, Cardinals John Krol and Anthony J. Bevilacqua who "excused and enabled the abuse" and put the legal and financial interests and moral reputation of the archdiocese ahead of protecting the children entrusted to its care.
The grand jury found that Krol, who served as archbishop from 1961 to 1988, and Bevilacqua, who served from 1988 to 2003, left many of the 169 abuser priests in parishes where they had access to children, or reassigned them to other parishes without notifying even the pastor.
The District Attorney's Office collected more than 45,000 documents, stored by prosecutors in a 10th-floor conference room that they dubbed "the confessional." These documents provided lurid details of assaults on children, as well as medical and psychiatric records and, importantly, internal letters and other records that showed how the archdiocesan hierarchy dealt with abuse allegations.
Many of the victims (not surprisingly) ended up as alcoholics, drug addicts or in failed marriages. Very sad.
Did the Archdiocese have any comment? You bet. Cardinal Justin Rigali said that Catholics "should avoid reading the district attorney's grand jury report." Jerk.
There is a special place in Hell for those who hurt children. And for those who enable such deviants. The Archdiocese of Philadelphia should be ashamed of its conduct. And its attempt to discourage the Philly Catholic community from learning the depth of the depravity in its midst. (posted 9/27/05)
Interesting Facts about church-going: It's a lot lower than many people thought. One estimate for U.S. actual church attendance is only 18.7%. And don't use this as an excuse to skip church this week! Meanwhile, the number of Catholics in western Washington state has almost tripled in the past 10 years - from 350,000 to over 900,000. (posted 6/13/05)
Gimme That Old Time Religion: The Anchoress has written that Pope John Paul II's funeral (April 2005) "made me long to hear more (or, any) Gregorian Chant at mass. I really hunger for it. Enough of the feel-good campfire-type songs, please!"
I couldn't agree more. I am sick and tired of 'Kumbuya' folk music, "invented" ceremonies (I'm waiting for someone to introduce The Blessing of the Dandruff.), turning every low Mass into a time-wasting crap-songfest, excessive hand-holding, hugging and other creepy, Touching To Symbolize Our Shared Faith detritus. Actually, it's more like Touching To Share Germs Just Before Communion. (Isn't this how the Black Plague spread during the Middle Ages?) Maybe we should have a Slather Your Hands And Arms In Purell ceremony.
At midnight Mass last Christmas, there was an elderly woman who insisted on treating us to an a cappella version 'Silent Night' in German to "celebrate her heritage." (Can you translate "Me-Centric" into Deutsche, bitte?) And she sang so badly, I wondered if she might be Bob Dylan's mother. I have seen her at church several times since and have bestowed her with the nickname 'Stella Nacht.'
The only "new" thing needed in church is a polished brass stage hook to drag bad performers off the altar - deliverers of lengthy, pointless homilies, lectors who ask us to pray for odd or political things, off-key warblers, etc.
And I want the old smoker-priests back - the ones who would do a 38-minute Sunday Mass because that was as long they could hold out before they needed another Lucky Strike fix! (posted 4/11/05)
Changing Catholicism? John Derbyshire at National Review has written: "The debate among devout Catholics about this calamity, so far as I can follow it, is not very enlightening. Conservatives blame it all on the reforms of the Vatican II Council (1962-5); liberals blame it on John Paul II himself, saying that his firm traditionalist approach to core doctrines turned off the more open-minded Catholic laity. Both surely know in their hearts that the real culprit is the irresistible appeal of secular hedonism to healthy, busy, well-educated populations."
I think he's right. People are busy - with work, hobbies, etc. - and no longer consider church as a "social outlet" as in the past. Reality television and the internet have become the new social outlets. Writing in the New York Times, funeral director Thomas Lynch notes that "times formerly spent in worship or communion are now spent shopping or Web-browsing or otherwise passing time. Many Americans are now spiritual tourists without home places or core beliefs to return to."
Educated people don't have the fear-of-God factor; they don't equate skipping church with going to Hell. In the U.S., Mass attendance has shrunk from 74% in 1958 to about 15% today. In Ireland - traditionally a very religious country - the numbers have declined from 90 percent in 1973 to 48 percent in 2001. In France, church attendance is less than 10%.
Don't expect a new Pope to make radical changes in an attempt to conform to so-called modern 'values,' though. Especially 'American values.' The Vatican does not see things through American eyes. There are 1.07 billion Catholics worldwide (17.4 percent of the world's population). U.S. Catholics make up only 6% of the total. The Americas (North and South) have the lion's share of baptized Catholics, with 49.8% (approx. 541 million). Brazil is the country with the largest baptized Roman Catholic population in the world - 151 million souls, Mexico has 93.6 mm, Philippines - 66.4 mm, U.S. - 67.4 mm, Italy - 55.8 mm and Poland - 36.9 mm.
Money is different story, however. When it comes to the bishops' contributions to the Vatican, the U.S. dukes it out with Germany for title of Largest Contributor. Speaking of Germany, more than three-quarters of Germans want the successor of Pope John Paul II to be less ''rigid'' about sexual morality and end the Church's ban on contraception, according to a poll published in Deutsche Welle. 77 percent of respondents said they wanted to see the ordination of women as priests and 74 percent think that imposing celibacy and chastity on priests is no longer expedient.
I'm told that the Vatican has a saying about all these wanted changes: "People in hell want ice cream." Catholicism is, after all, a religion - not a focus group.
The U.S. is also by far the biggest donor when it comes to the Pope's annual collection for foreign missions. Additionally, there are other Catholic organizations supported almost entirely by U.S. Catholics. Catholic Relief Services - one of many independent Catholic charities - takes in almost $100 million from U.S. Catholics annually - more in times of disaster.
Catholics in the United States also put an estimated $5.8 billion in Sunday collection baskets to support their local parishes. Pledges to bishops' annual appeals for diocesan operations are an additional $635 million.
In short, the Catholic Church loves us for our money but isn't particularly interested in the opinions of Americans. Or those of our talking-head 'experts' on various TV programs. Or in print. Or in the blogosphere. (posted 4/14/05)
Requiescat In Pace: Pope John Paul II has died. My thoughts are posted here. (posted 4/2/05)
Save The Children: Many liberals were surprised by the emergence of so-called Values Voters in the 2004 Presidential election and by many of the anti-abortion sentiments expressed by such people. The concerns felt by such voters is real and part of a growing trend. When Roe-v-Wade became the law in the '70s, abortion was promoted as an answer to unfortunate and tragic circumstances (rape, mother's life jeopardized, pregnant, severely-retarded women and the like). And, the aborted tissue was presented as nothing more than a group of cells - almost like one's appendix.
But legalized abortion quickly became a form of birth control for the lazy and the careless. Later, "partial birth abortions" took the spotlight. This little-known, barbarous practice appalled many moderates who were formerly pro-abortion. Meanwhile, scientific advances have made many early-term fetuses viable. Finally, the use of ultrasound has shown the public that very young and tiny fetuses look like babies, not blobs of protoplasm.
Back in 1992, candidate Bill Clinton recognized that abortion was out-of-control and promised to make it "safe, legal ... and rare." (A promise he never fulfilled.) The new queasiness over abortion is not simply due to increased efforts by the pro-life movement. Rather, it is because ordinary people now realize that abortion has run amok and the "tissue samples" being destroyed are, in actuality, children. Or near-children. Roe-v-Wade may never be completely reversed. But I predict that within 10 years, all government funding of abortions will cease and that restrictions will be placed on the practice of abortion.
Spiritual Hunger: A number of articles have been written on whether the Catholic Church should/would withhold Communion from those who do not wholly support its views. An example is from the Associated Press (in mid-2004): "Bishops disagree on whether Catholic lawmakers at odds with church teaching should receive the sacrament. They've sparked a national debate on the issue as a Catholic who supports abortion rights - John Kerry - is poised to become the Democratic nominee for president."
On the Catholic feast day of Corpus Christi - around the same time as the AP story ran, the Gospel reading was about the miracle of loaves and fishes. In the story, Jesus fed an audience of hungry people. He didn't ask them to take an oath or pass a 'litmus test.' That they showed up to hear Him preach was, apparently, good enough for Jesus. In an era of declining Catholicism in the U.S. - instead of driving people away - shouldn't the Bishops simply follow the role of the Savior and welcome the spiritually hungry into God's House and pray that the miracle of His Grace will fill their emptiness?
Bankruptcy Blues: In July 2004, The Archdiocese of Portland, Oregon (just across the river from here) became the first Catholic diocese in the country to seek bankruptcy protection because of multimillion-dollar awards given to victims of clergy sex abuse. This action will be followed closely by Catholic dioceses and parishes throughout the U.S. and could result in drastic structural changes to the U.S. Catholic Church.
Several years ago, when I was a board member of a regional nonprofit, I pushed to form an independent corporation to separate our region from any future woes of the national organization. We did so, thankfully. The national group is presently being sued for allegedly slanderous comments printed in its magazine. The lawsuit demands compensation which far exceeds the national organization's insurance cap.
In the case of the Portland Archdiocese, the bankruptcy court will have to decide many issues - one is whether parish assets are part of the Archdiocese's assets. Many parish churches throughout Oregon sit on valuable real estate and most have cash and other liquid assets.
It is possible that, in a move to limit their liability, parishes may soon decide to form their own nonprofit corporations with no legal ties and only loose reporting ties to a central entity. This could result in parish councils vetting their own pastoral candidates and having hire/fire authority in much the way that many Protestant churches do. And, for matters which do not involve core issues of Catholic faith, belief or liturgy, individual parishes could become fully-independent worship centers.
Parishes, being smaller organizations, can better serve the needs of their members - and can solve problems (like abuse allegations) quickly and decisively. Parishes might even elect to market themselves well beyond their traditional geographical boundaries, appealing to specific segments - "we're evangelical", "traditional", "young, singles-oriented", "family-friendly", "sympathetic to single parents", etc. These and other local-level actions could bring needed fresh air into a musty old organization, attracting new members and bringing back some old ones.
I'm happy to report that our regional nonprofit is financially secure and growing, even while the national organization is experiencing membership declines. Seventy percent of new members now come from the region's own recruitment efforts. By the way, we've never abandoned the core values set forth by the national organization. We've simply tailored our message to the Pacific Northwest market.
Catholic bishops and the Vatican might wring their hands and wail about parish-level power - nobody ever likes to give up authority - but, in the end, such operational decentralization may be the best thing that has happened to the Catholic Church in many years. (posted 7/8/04)
In September 2004, the Roman Catholic Diocese of Tucson, faced with possible multimillion-dollar legal verdicts from sex abuse cases against its clergy, has filed for bankruptcy protection. Spokane, Washington's Diocese has also gone bankrupt.
Catholicism's Not-So-Finest Moments: The Vatican praised Yassir Arafat as a leader who struggled to win independence for his people and repeated its support of a sovereign Palestinian state alongside Israel. A Vatican statement called Arafat, who died in Paris, an ''illustrious deceased.'' (Infallibility in faith and morals. Yeah, right.)
This is the same Arafat who created Black September as an offshoot of his Fatah organization. He presided over the operation resulting in the massacre of the Israeli Olympic athletes in Munich by Black September in 1972. The following year, Arafat became the first Arab terrorist to target Americans. He personally ordered the assassination of American Ambassador to Sudan Cleo Noel, Jr. and charge d'affaires Curtis Moore in 1973. As the founder of Fatah and leader of the Palestine Liberation Organization, Arafat waged a lifelong war on the state of Israel and its Jewish citizens. And the Vatican has arranged for free legal help for Tariq Aziz, Saddam Hussein's former foreign minister and right-hand man, for his war crimes defense. A disgrace!
Planned Parenthood's Sour Grapes: Numerous counties in Illinois are allowing federal workers to select a Catholic-based insurance plan that does not cover abortion, contraceptives or fertility treatment. Run by the Sisters of the Third Order of St. Francis, OSF HealthPlans is being touted as an example of the faith-based initiatives favored by President Bush. Gloria Feldt, president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, said the plan was an "inappropriate" use of federal funds, one that "is blatantly designed to foster one religion's point of view."
Catholic League president William Donohue responded as follows: "The taxpayers are forced to fork over a quarter-billion dollars of federal funds each year to support Planned Parenthood’s agenda. But all of a sudden the officials at the so-called pro-choice organization feel threatened by some Catholic nuns and want to deny federal workers freedom of choice. So much for truth in advertising."
Political Correctness Gone Amok: A Church of England school - Saint Mary Magdalene Primary School in Islington, north London - has been told to drop the word "saint" from its name in case it "offends" other religious groups. St. Mary Magdalene has been serving the community since 1710.
'Father Joe: The Man Who Saved My Soul' - a book by Tony Hendra is a tribute to his spiritual mentor. Father Joe is a wise but unassuming Benedictine monk who brings common sense and truth to the problems Hendra offers him over a 40-plus year period. A stuttering, big-eared, ungainly man, cloistered in an ancient abbey on the Isle of Wight, Father Joe is a good listener and deeply spiritual. He is undoubtedly a saint and, for Hendra, an anchor in a storm-tossed life.
Of Tony Hendra, things are less certain. An accomplished writer, satirist and actor, he sunk into a world of drinking and drugs. His ego and excesses destroyed his first family - he admits to being a loathsome husband and despicable parent. According to one associate, Hendra has a "long track record of seedy, duplicitous behavior - well-known to those who have worked with him over the years." The book title proclaims that Hendra's soul is saved. But, part of salvation is making amends to those wronged. If that has been done, it is not recorded in this book and very-recent claims of sexual abuse made by Hendra's now-grown daughter raise more doubts. Father Joe teaches the lesson of not speaking ill of others, yet Hendra finds time in the book to rant about the politics of Ronald Reagan and others.
Hendra claims to find comfort and "spirituality" in old churches and Gregorian chants, yet one must question his announcement of rediscovered faith when, immediately after one of his last confessions with Father Joe, Hendra thinks "the God-force-principle-thing would like me to pop down to the pub and celebrate. Which I did." Hardly the words of a spiritually-renewed, post-confessional penitent.
Nevertheless, the book is a good read with an inspiring surprise about Father Joe and his influence in the last few pages of the book. I recommend it. You may not want to shake the hand of Tony Hendra but you'll certainly wish you could have met the good Father.
The Quebec Way: While visiting Quebec in Fall 2004, We went to Mass at the Notre Dame Basilica. I remember being there almost 50 years ago and seeing several cardinal's hats hanging from the ceiling. When a cardinal died, his hat was strung up for all to see - until it disintegrated into a pile of dust. Now the hats have disappeared. I inquired and was told that "when we redid the church a few years ago, we took them down because they were dusty and ugly." Fame is fleeting. Tradition is swept away by Style.
Ste. Anne de Beaupre used to be a shrine for pilgrims; now it is more commercial and caters to bus tours. You can light $5.00 votive candles before the relic of Saint Anne but when the rack becomes full and another bus is rolling into the parking lot, the candle rack is quickly moved to the basement where many other racks of burning candles light up a nondescript (but very hot) room. Meanwhile upstairs, a fresh candle supply is wheeled in for the new arrivals. Turning inventory and optimizing cash flow - Catholic-style. Next to the gift shop is a small, glass-fronted, free-standing building with a priest sitting at a desk, looking like a Notary Public. Go inside and he will bless all purchases. Free.
On a Sunday afternoon, we visited the historic Holy Trinity Anglican church in Quebec. As I approached the door, I heard strains of 'Embraceable You' on a piano. Followed by the tinkling of 'Misty.' I thought it was one of those Gay Anglican churches I've read about, but they were just having an afternoon concert. We departed to the melody of 'Autumn In New York.'
Gay Mirage: Some gays think that the so-called "homophobic" Republican machine is trying to trample them. This is a mirage. Jeff Jacoby writes: "In 13 states this year ... voters were faced with proposed constitutional amendments limiting marriage to one man and one woman. In all 13 the amendments were approved, by majorities ranging from 57 percent to 86 percent." The initiatives gathered large majorities everywhere - red states and blue. (So, it's not just about Republicans, is it?) Meanwhile, on some cable shows, radio programs and blogs, backers of traditional marriage have been denounced as gay-bashers. This is also a mirage.
Gay people should understand that it's not the "gay" part that bothers people - the vast majority of folks feel that most homosexuals are "just wired that way" and recognize that most gays just want to live their own lives and spend most of their time on the same everyday activities as straights - working, paying bills, having a drink after a tough day at the office, etc. Gays are not 'recruiting' for their side and are far less irritating to straight people than, say, Jehovah's Witnesses.
It's the "marriage" part that straights are against. We consider marriage to be a contract between a man and a woman - a 5,000 year-old institution. Not some deal between two guys. Or two babes. Or a PETA advocate and an "animal companion." Or some horndog and an armoire with an interesting knothole.
Gays - men and women - are generally far more creative than straights. The theater, the visual display industry, the writing field, the graphics design arena and other "creative arts" endeavors seem to be havens for gays. We straights are both envious and appreciative of their cleverness, talent, ability to create inspiring works and put on spectacular shows and events. Therefore, it is a disappointment that gays can't seem come up with a better word than "marriage" to describe their civil unions. Gays need their own name - one that invokes awe and wonder and perhaps a little heterosexual jealousy: "Damn! Why didn't I think of that!?" A noun that ends with an exclamation point. Or deserves to. A name that isn't "marriage" - that moniker was taken many years ago. It's been done. By us dull straights. Very passé and unhip.
Memo to gay people: Get your own name - and you'll be surprised how much more support you'll get from us straights. Many of us will applaud and celebrate your legalized, stable relationships. The ones with the cool new name. And we'll support your efforts to obtain equal rights and benefits as couples, under the law.
Speaking of the creative arts, as a car guy, I wonder how many of the exciting car designs - the ones that all those testosterone-pumped, heterosexual young males lust for - were penned by gays? But the auto design business isn't completely gay. Because only an design-blind heterosexual could have designed the Pontiac Aztek!
Monied Messengers: If you have cable and you've ever channel-surfed, you've surely come across Paul and Jan Crouch on the Trinity Broadcasting Network. Wearing a big platinum wig with cascading-ringlets, Jan Crouch could pass as Dyann Cannon's mother. Or much-older sister. But she wears so much black eye-shadow, she often looks like a badger. Or the Hamburgler. She cries a lot, especially when describing the good works she and Paul do with all the money people send them. With his silver hair, mustache and bifocals, Paul Crouch looks grandfatherly. But a decidedly odd grandfather - he allegedly paid a former employee $425,000 to keep quiet about an alleged homosexual tryst.
The Crouches are usually perched on gaudy, gold and white faux-Louis XVI furniture, begging for more money to "help with God's work." The network says that 70% of its contributions are in amounts less than $50. Lower-income, rural Americans in the South are among TBN's most faithful donors. And the Crouchs are always asking for money. You'd think they wouldn't need to. TBN has posted surpluses averaging nearly $60 million a year since 1997. Its balance sheet for 2002, the most recent available, lists net assets of $583 million, including $238 million in Treasury bonds and other government securities and $31 million in cash. TBN's declared mission is as a tax-exempt Christian charity. Meanwhile, Paul and Jan maintain several palatial homes, drive luxury cars and draw fat salaries from their "church."
The Crouch duo are just another example of crass moneygrabbers masquerading as Messengers for God. It's sad that few of these 21st Century "messengers" choose the path chosen by, say, Billy Graham. He has always drawn a modest salary and his 'Billy Graham Crusade' books are open to anyone who cares to look.
A Grave Issue: My grandson's elementary school had a fundraiser offering flower arrangements, including a cross-shaped cemetery pieces. One of the parents in this very PC, liberal, university community objected, saying that her sense of secularity was offended. This raises a larger issue - the need to develop appropriate grave-decoration symbols for seculars. Some religions are already covered - crosses for Christians, six-pointed stars for Jews (although this particular town of 45,000 had only seven Jewish families last time I heard), crescents for Muslims. I don't know what to use for Confucians, Hindus or Buddhists, but may I suggest a question mark for agnostics and a zero for atheists? Memo to Floral Industry - get to work!
Love Letters In The Sand:  A website - CatholicShopper.com - offered 'Shoes of the Fisherman sandals' for $19.95 per pair.
Description: "If you plan on walking in the sand, this is a great way to evangelize! As you walk, you will leave an imprint of: JESUS LOVES YOU, for others to see!!!!" The sandals are "hand-finished in Thailand by adult Christian workers."
This raised some questions in my mind - to wit:
1. Are the 'adult Christian workers' former Pagan Babies?
2. Since these products are made of injection-molded vinyl and the adult Christian workers only do the hand-finishing, who is operating the injection molding machine? Atheists? Muslims? Buddhists? Confucians?
3. Since all of us Catholics want to leave a long-lasting impression on Unbelievers, why doesn't the product description mention other, more-permanent things to walk on besides sand? Wet concrete? Hot asphalt? Uncured epoxy?
4. If this were a real Catholic site, it would clearly state: "One size fits all - or else you're excommunicated. Unless you're a Kennedy." Right?
At First, I Thought This Was A Joke: There's a new book, 'The Gospel According to Popeye: Meditations on Substitutionary Grace for a Pre-millennial Age,' by Robert Fulton The book discusses "the comic strip Thimble Theatre, which ran in American newspapers in the 1930s and introduced the character of Popeye to a breathless world." It continues " ... let us begin our examination of the theology of Thimble Theatre."
"I yam what I yam, an' tha's all that I yam." - Popeye
"And God said to Moses, 'I AM THAT I AM.'" - Exodus 3:14
"That Popeye himself is the heroic Christ-figure is plain enough even for conservative Southern Baptists in Dallas to grasp. ... In fact, Popeye's iconic "Blow me down!" will find its greatest expression in latter-day televangelist Benny Hinn's breathless, ritualistic summonsing of the Holy Spirit. No figure in the Thimble Theatre canon is more expressively human than Wimpy. He is the epitome of modern man, forever asking for grace ("I would gladly pay Tuesday for a hamburger today."), reneging on his promises, then demanding justice for everyone else. ... The infant Swee'pea, whom the original texts state was originally sent to Popeye for safekeeping as the Crown Prince of Demonia - we know, of course, he is a perfectly splendid representation of the Virgin Birth." I'm speechless. (hat tip: Relapsed Catholic)
Popemobiles: For some facts and musings about papal rides, go here.
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If I have slandered any brands of automobiles, either expressly or inadvertently, they're most likely crap cars and deserve it. Automobile manufacturers should be aware that they always have the option of giving me free cars to try and change my mind.
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Don't be shy - try a bribe. It might help.
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