Secret GM Job Interview (posted 8/1/08)

Many auto industry observers believe that Rick Wagoner, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of General Motors, is running the company into the ground. Robert Farago at TTAC has speculated that Wagoner will resign soon. But, if Rick left the company, who would step in and rescue GM?

General Motors' executive search comittee has been secretly interviewing CEO candidates. All of those interviewed so far have been high-profile individuals - powerful men whose names have a high degree of public recognition.

Through my sources, I have obtained a transcript of one of the interviews - a candidate identified only by the initials I.H.

--- begin transcript ---

Q: Would you like some coffee, Mr. Hulk?

A: No coffee. Caffeine anger Hulk. Must keep anger under control.

Q: Please share with us your vision for improving General Motors.

A: Hulk make good cars. No junk. Hulk smash junk. Hulk make good trucks, too. Work trucks. No fancy girly truck. Rarrrr! Hulk smash all girly trucks.

Q: What about a small car program?

A: Hulk make only good small car. Hulk kill bad small car. Hulk put giant green fist through Chevy Aveo program. Aveo junk. Hulk make all Chevies in U.S. Not Korea. Hulk say, "See USA in Chevrolet."

Q: How do you plan to produce a small car in the U.S. and make a profit, given the present United Auto Workers wage/benefit structure?

A: Hulk break back of UAW. Throw union workers over cliff. Land on rocks. Backs break. Hulk hire new workers. Work hard because afraid of Hulk. Costs go down. America win.

Q: What about Cadillac?

A: Hulk like Cadillac. Big ones. Hulk fit in big Cadillac. Hulk smash puny little Cadillacs with hand. Hulk buy new big Cadillac. Green one. With loud exhaust that go Rarrrr! People buy big Cadillacs when Hulk tell them to. Sell special Hulk-Edition green model. Sales go up. Hulk marketing genius. Smarter than Bob Lutz.

Q: How do you feel about GM's Volt plug-in hybrid car development program, Mr. Hulk?

A: Gamma radiation turn Banner into Hulk. All because of electrons. Hulk hate electrons. Volt have electrons. Hulk stomp Volt. Smash to pieces with big green foot. No Volt. Volt no good. Money loser. Hulk save GM money. GM need save money.

Q: Well ... thank you for coming here and sharing your thoughts with us, Mr. Hulk. We'll be in touch.

A: Rarrrr!

--- end transcript ---

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