car blog

Secret GM Job Interview (posted 8/1/2008)

Many auto industry observers believe that Rick Wagoner, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of General Motors, is running the company into the ground. Robert Farago at TTAC has speculated that Wagoner will resign soon. But, if Rick left the company, who would step in and rescue GM?

General Motors' executive search comittee has been secretly interviewing CEO candidates. All of those interviewed so far have been high-profile individuals - powerful men whose names have a high degree of public recognition.

Through my sources, I have obtained a transcript of one of the interviews - a candidate identified only by the initials I.H.

--- begin transcript ---

Q: Would you like some coffee, Mr. Hulk?

A: No coffee. Caffeine anger Hulk. Must keep anger under control.

Q: Please share with us your vision for improving General Motors.

A: Hulk make good cars. No junk. Hulk smash junk. Hulk make good trucks, too. Work trucks. No fancy girly truck. Rarrrr! Hulk smash all girly trucks.

Q: What about a small car program?

A: Hulk make only good small car. Hulk kill bad small car. Hulk put giant green fist through Chevy Aveo program. Aveo junk. Hulk make all Chevies in U.S. Not Korea. Hulk say, "See USA in Chevrolet."

Q: How do you plan to produce a small car in the U.S. and make a profit, given the present United Auto Workers wage/benefit structure?

A: Hulk break back of UAW. Throw union workers over cliff. Land on rocks. Backs break. Hulk hire new workers. Work hard because afraid of Hulk. Costs go down. America win.

Q: What about Cadillac?

A: Hulk like Cadillac. Big ones. Hulk fit in big Cadillac. Hulk smash puny little Cadillacs with hand. Hulk buy new big Cadillac. Green one. With loud exhaust that go Rarrrr! People buy big Cadillacs when Hulk tell them to. Sell special Hulk-Edition green model. Sales go up. Hulk marketing genius. Smarter than Bob Lutz.

Q: How do you feel about GM's Volt plug-in hybrid car development program, Mr. Hulk?

A: Gamma radiation turn Banner into Hulk. All because of electrons. Hulk hate electrons. Volt have electrons. Hulk stomp Volt. Smash to pieces with big green foot. No Volt. Volt no good. Money loser. Hulk save GM money. GM need save money.

Q: Well ... thank you for coming here and sharing your thoughts with us, Mr. Hulk. We'll be in touch.

A: Rarrrr!

--- end transcript ---

copyright 2008 - Joseph M. Sherlock - All applicable rights reserved


Disclaimer

The facts presented in this blog are based on my best guesses and my substantially faulty geezer memory. The opinions expressed herein are strictly those of the author and are protected by the U.S. Constitution. Probably.

Spelling, punctuation and syntax errors are cheerfully repaired when I find them; grudgingly fixed when you do.

If I have slandered any brands of automobiles, either expressly or inadvertently, they're most likely crap cars and deserve it. Automobile manufacturers should be aware that they always have the option of giving me free cars to try and change my mind.

If I have slandered any people or corporations in this blog, either expressly or inadvertently, they should buy me strong drinks (and an expensive meal) and try to prove to me that they're not the jerks I've portrayed them to be. If you're buying, I'm willing to listen.

Don't be shy - try a bribe. It might help.

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