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Greatest Hits: Bedtime Story (posted 12/19/2008)

Once upon a time there were Three Little Detroit Pigs who left home to seek their fortunes. Their mother advised them, "Whatever you do, do it the best that you can because that's the way to get ahead in the world."

The first Little Pig built his house with a good foundation. But subsequent generations were more interested in stylish-looking dwellings than quality. So the finned, chrome-bedecked, cab-forward-looking house became weak and mostly made of straw with only a few brick and stone components. But the furniture, covered in Corinthian leather, was comfortable.

Later on, the house was used as a German hostel. The Germans stole the remaining bricks and stones, sent them back to Europe (along with the furnishings) and sold what remained of the dwelling to a pack of dogs, who knew nothing about home construction and repair.

The house was so weak that it collapsed just from the vibration of the Big Bad Wolf's paws as he walked up to it. The lucky Wolf feasted on the escaping pig tenants.

The second Little Pig built his house out of sticks. He believed in having a floor for every pocket, so he built an eight-story dwelling. The pig's children became accountants and, as the building aged, patched it with Hype, a very weak brand of mortar. But they kept the house full of guests and, for a while, produced an admirable return on investment.

Eventually, the building deteriorated so much that many guests moved elsewhere. And neither the P&L statements nor the building looked very attractive anymore.

Then the Wolf came by, "Let me in, Let me in, little pig or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your big house in!"

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin", said the little pig CEO. "I've got an MBA. And I'm now working on an electrified house I call the Volt. Watch out or I'll electrocute you."

The wolf blew and the multistory dwelling easily collapsed, since the Hype had long since evaporated. And the Wolf made a good meal of the pigs inside. Afterwards, he wiped his chin with their business diplomas.

The third little pig, known as the stubborn one, built his house out of brick. And while his descendants became inbred, foolish, lazy and neglectful, they had enough common sense to eventually realize what the Big Bad Wolf was doing to the neighborhood and sought outside help for their long-neglected, now-rickety domicile.

Realizing that pigs didn't seem to have a very good track record, they turned to a Spotted Owl from the Pacific Northwest. He didn't know much about home construction - other than common sense things - but knew quite a bit about wind resistance and aerodynamics.

The Owl began to rebuild the house, strengthening and reinforcing it to be windproof. But before he was finished, the Big Bad Wolf sauntered along.

"Let me in, let me in," cried the Wolf, "Or I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your house in."

Ooops ... we're out of time, children .... we'll have to finish the story at some future time.


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copyright 2008 - Joseph M. Sherlock - All applicable rights reserved


Disclaimer

The facts presented in this blog are based on my best guesses and my substantially faulty geezer memory. The opinions expressed herein are strictly those of the author and are protected by the U.S. Constitution. Probably.

Spelling, punctuation and syntax errors are cheerfully repaired when I find them; grudgingly fixed when you do.

If I have slandered any brands of automobiles, either expressly or inadvertently, they're most likely crap cars and deserve it. Automobile manufacturers should be aware that they always have the option of giving me free cars to try and change my mind.

If I have slandered any people or corporations in this blog, either expressly or inadvertently, they should buy me strong drinks (and an expensive meal) and try to prove to me that they're not the jerks I've portrayed them to be. If you're buying, I'm willing to listen.

Don't be shy - try a bribe. It might help.

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